i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
