I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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