If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
