Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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