The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
