u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
