I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
