WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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