if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
