Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
