omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
