I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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