a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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