so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
meet me or not, i'm out of control
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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