If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
