he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize