she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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