Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
