omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
