i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
