he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
