remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
