i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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