I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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