shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
