it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
