Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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