he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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