Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
