I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
