Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
