I want to make a zoo with you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
