Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
