She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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