that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I forget how to act sober
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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