You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
