but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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