I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
