She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
