they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
