my room smells like sperm. sweet.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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