By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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