First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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