The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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