since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
