Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
