Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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