i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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