i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
