Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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