Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
