He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
