Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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