We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
