you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
