My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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