I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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