Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize