Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
