I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
