dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize