ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
