I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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