I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
