I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
