Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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