I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
