not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
