You just made me feel so damn special
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
