So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
