it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
