like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
