AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
